One more good one...

Another good one that I strongly strongly believe in....

How to talk to your daughter about her body....

How to talk to your daughter about her body, step one: don’t talk to your daughter about her body, except to teach her how it works.

Don’t say anything if she’s lost weight. Don’t say anything if she’s gained weight.

If you think your daughter’s body looks amazing, don’t say that. Here are some things you can say instead:

“You look so healthy!” is a great one.

Or how about, “you’re looking so strong.”

“I can see how happy you are – you’re glowing.”

Better yet, compliment her on something that has nothing to do with her body.

Don’t comment on other women’s bodies either. Nope. Not a single comment, not a nice one or a mean one.

Teach her about kindness towards others, but also kindness towards yourself.

Don’t you dare talk about how much you hate your body in front of your daughter, or talk about your new diet. In fact, don’t go on a diet in front of your daughter. Buy healthy food. Cook healthy meals. But don’t say “I’m not eating carbs right now.” Your daughter should never think that carbs are evil, because shame over what you eat only leads to shame about yourself.

Encourage your daughter to run because it makes her feel less stressed. Encourage your daughter to climb mountains because there is nowhere better to explore your spirituality than the peak of the universe. Encourage your daughter to surf, or rock climb, or mountain bike because it scares her and that’s a good thing sometimes.

Help your daughter love soccer or rowing or hockey because sports make her a better leader and a more confident woman. Explain that no matter how old you get, you’ll never stop needing good teamwork. Never make her play a sport she isn’t absolutely in love with.

Prove to your daughter that women don’t need men to move their furniture.

Teach your daughter how to cook kale.

Teach your daughter how to bake chocolate cake made with six sticks of butter.

Pass on your own mom’s recipe for Christmas morning coffee cake. Pass on your love of being outside.

Maybe you and your daughter both have thick thighs or wide ribcages. It’s easy to hate these non-size zero body parts. Don’t. Tell your daughter that with her legs she can run a marathon if she wants to, and her ribcage is nothing but a carrying case for strong lungs. She can scream and she can sing and she can lift up the world, if she wants.

Remind your daughter that the best thing she can do with her body is to use it to mobilize her beautiful soul.

Liked This...

Before life gets crazy, I thought I'd post about slowing down...

I found this blog a mom had written that I really liked. I absolutely love watching the world through Ashley's eyes, and most times I let her take her time, but we're all guilty of the "hurry ups"at times when life is busy and rushed. A good reminder to stop and smell the roses...

When you're living a distracted life, every minute must be accounted for. You feel like you must be checking something off the list, staring at a screen, or rushing off to the next destination. And no matter how many ways you divide your time and attention, no matter how many duties you try and multi-task, there's never enough time in a day to ever catch up.

That was my life for two frantic years. My thoughts and actions were controlled by electronic notifications, ring tones, and jam-packed agendas. And although every fiber of my inner drill sergeant wanted to be on time to every activity on my overcommitted schedule, I wasn't.

You see, six years ago I was blessed with a laid-back, carefree, stop-and-smell-the roses type of child.

When I needed to be out the door, she was taking her sweet time picking out a purse and a glittery crown.

When I needed to be somewhere five minutes ago, she insisted on buckling her stuffed animal into a car seat.

When I needed to grab a quick lunch at Subway, she'd stop to speak to the elderly woman who looked like her grandma.

When I had 30 minutes to get in a run, she wanted me to stop the stroller and pet every dog we passed.

When I had a full agenda that started at 6:00 a.m., she asked to crack the eggs and stir them ever so gently.

My carefree child was a gift to my Type A, task-driven nature --but I didn't see it. Oh no, when you live life distracted, you have tunnel vision -- only looking ahead to what's next on the agenda. And anything that cannot be checked off the list is a waste of time.

Whenever my child caused me to deviate from my master schedule, I thought to myself, "We don't have time for this." Consequently, the two words I most commonly spoke to my little lover of life were: "Hurry up."

I started my sentences with it.

Hurry up, we're gonna be late.

I ended sentences with it.

We're going to miss everything if you don't hurry up.

I started my day with it.

Hurry up and eat your breakfast.

Hurry up and get dressed.

I ended my day with it.

Hurry up and brush your teeth.

Hurry up and get in bed.

And although the words "hurry up" did little if nothing to increase my child's speed, I said them anyway. Maybe even more than the words, "I love you."

The truth hurts, but the truth heals... and brings me closer to the parent I want to be.

Then one fateful day, things changed. We'd just picked my older daughter up from kindergarten and were getting out of the car. Not going fast enough for her liking, my older daughter said to her little sister, "You are so slow." And when she crossed her arms and let out an exasperated sigh, I saw myself -- and it was a gut-wrenching sight.

I was a bully who pushed and pressured and hurried a small child who simply wanted to enjoy life.

My eyes were opened; I saw with clarity the damage my hurried existence was doing to both of my children.

Although my voice trembled, I looked into my small child's eyes and said, "I am so sorry I have been making you hurry. I love that you take your time, and I want to be more like you."

Both my daughters looked equally surprised by my painful admission, but my younger daughter's face held the unmistakable glow of validation and acceptance.

"I promise to be more patient from now on," I said as I hugged my curly-haired child who was now beaming at her mother's newfound promise.

It was pretty easy to banish "hurry up" from my vocabulary. What was not so easy was acquiring the patience to wait on my leisurely child. To help us both, I began giving her a little more time to prepare if we had to go somewhere. And sometimes, even then, we were still late. Those were the times I assured myself that I will be late only for a few years, if that, while she is young.

When my daughter and I took walks or went to the store, I allowed her to set the pace. And when she stopped to admire something, I would push thoughts of my agenda out of my head and simply observe her. I witnessed expressions on her face that I'd never seen before. I studied dimples on her hands and the way her eyes crinkled up when she smiled. I saw the way other people responded to her stopping to take time to talk to them. I saw the way she spotted the interesting bugs and pretty flowers. She was a Noticer, and I quickly learned that The Noticers of the world are rare and beautiful gifts. That's when I finally realized she was a gift to my frenzied soul.

My promise to slow down was made almost three years ago, at the same time I began myjourney to let go of daily distraction and grasp what matters in life. And living at a slower pace still takes a concerted effort. My younger daughter is my living reminder of why I must keep trying. In fact, the other day, she reminded me once again.

The two of us had taken a bike ride to a sno-cone shack while on vacation. After purchasing a cool treat for my daughter, she sat down at a picnic table delightedly admiring the icy tower she held in her hand.

Suddenly a look of worry came across her face. "Do I have to rush, Mama?"

I could have cried. Perhaps the scars of a hurried life don't ever completely disappear, I thought sadly.

As my child looked up at me waiting to know if she could take her time, I knew I had a choice. I could sit there in sorrow thinking about the number of times I rushed my child through life... or I could celebrate the fact that today I'm trying to do thing differently.

I chose to live in today.

"You don't have to rush. Just take your time," I said gently. Her whole face instantly brightened and her shoulders relaxed.

And so we sat side-by-side talking about things that ukulele-playing-6-year-olds talk about. There were even moments when we sat in silence just smiling at each other and admiring the sights and sounds around us.

I thought my child was going to eat the whole darn thing -- but when she got to the last bite, she held out a spoonful of ice crystals and sweet juice for me. "I saved the last bite for you, Mama," my daughter said proudly.

As I let the icy goodness quench my thirst, I realized I just got the deal of a lifetime.

I gave my child a little time... and in return, she gave me her last bite and reminded me that things taste sweeter and love comes easier when you stop rushing through life.

Whether it's ...

Sno-cone eating

Flower picking

Seatbelt buckling

Egg cracking

Seashell finding

Ladybug watching

Sidewalk strolling

I will not say, "We don't have time for this." Because that is basically saying, "We don't have time to live."

Pausing to delight in the simple joys of everyday life is the only way to truly live.

(Trust me, I learned from the world's leading expert on joyful living.)

The Wonderful Terrible Twos

I chose this title based on the title of a video we watched about the two year old stage. I have to say, we are blessed with two amazing, incredible girls. Even in the "rough terrible twos", Ashley is pretty darn amazing! However, she is a child and she is in that stage, and like any human being we all have our moments. For some reason this past week has been a little more challenging--with more tantrums, behaviors, and frustrations for both Ashley and mommy. In fact last night was the culmination point where I was starting to second guess myself and what I was doing/not doing right as a parent after she had a serious meltdown and was kicking and screaming and hitting grandmom while she was just trying to put on her pajamas (again, after a week of other stuff).
I like to have a more proactive approach to life, and to my marriage and parenting, so rather than letting problems build and build and dealing with a bigger clean up later, I like to stay on top of things and see what I can do now in the current moment. I am also so grateful  and LOVE that I am married to a man who is also wanting and willing to learn more, and open to watching videos or read about marriage and child rearing too. I look at it like this: in our careers we are encouraged and even sometimes expected to continue learning and doing continuing education so that we stay up to date with the latest and greatest techniques and approaches so we are on top of the game with things. We don't go into our careers and say "I'm doing a "good enough" job, or "eh, I went to school. What I learned there will be enough to carry me through years and years in my practice". That would be doing a great disservice to our clients, and is almost downright neglectful. So why would I use this approach with my family--my husband and children whom I love most? I want to learn and grow and be my best so that when I die and they're at my funeral, they can talk about the kind of legacy I left behind, which I hope and pray and try my hardest to be a loving one.
So anyway, Matt, Lisa, Bruce and I all sat down and watched this video. In the first two minutes, I immediately felt a sense of relief. The kids were ALL doing the same behaviors that Ashley has been. I was also encouraged to see that we were using the right kind of approaches and techniques to handling them, although I did pick up a few pointers which I've applied and already see differences.
The video also described this as "the first adolescence" where the children are trying to separate from parents and take on more on their own. I think this was a good reminder for me--with the chaos of life, between shopping and preparing for the new house, a "new baby", a three-five month thrown off schedule and time of constant transitions, I sometimes try to get things done quick and easy, and it was a good reminder to have Ashley participate in the helping process more and doing more for herself (which she does love) by picking out her own outfits, helping to cook and clean up, helping to feed Emily more often, etc.
It was also a good reminder to hear that these behaviors are not your children, it's just a healthy and natural part of their development and it doesn't last forever.
I am glad that Ashley is healthy and well...and even with some trying moments, she is such an amazing little girl.

Cute things I've noticed with her more lately:
She is getting quite the imagination over the past couple of months, playing more make believe, worrying about monsters, mimicking behaviors she's watched us do, etc. For instance, we went peach picking over the weekend. I made peach cobbler. Ashely had watched me take it out of the oven using oven mitts, so the next morning she needed those oven mitts while she cooked in her toy kitchen. Lol.

She also loves to sing and dance, and put on shows for us/Emily. She now likes to be center stage, and will say "no mommy, no" if I try to chime in.

She is a human sponge, wanting to soak up as much about this earth as she can. I love watching her learn and explore.

She is surprisingly outgoing for her age. The video was explaining that at this age, children play around each other but don't really interact with one another. Ashley does do that about 60% of the time, but she also loves to go up to kids and say hi, give them hugs, and tries to play with them. She is also compassionate--for instance, one day while we were at the library class there was a boy who was upset. Ashley walked up to him and held his hand and tried to comfort him. His mom and I both thought she was so sweet.

Emily is doing good too. She is really turning into quite a person too. Now that she has really discovered her "voice", she is attempting to say more words, and mimics people. She squeals, sings, grunts, etc. She's hysterical. She also has started "demanding" food when I'm feeding her solids, so I'm trying to teach her the sign for "more".

She can also hold herself up standing/leaning against a table for a few seconds.

She gets around with her rolling (still not a big interest in crawling) and is into EVERYTHING!!!! Perfect timing with our move. Lol. She is THE SQUIRMIEST baby I've seen when it comes to diaper changing (and I've known a lot after working at a daycare and lots of babysitting). She doesn't want to sit still for ANYTHING.

She's eating more varieties of food--rice and oatmeal, a variety of fruits and veggies, yogurt melts and I just introduced cottage cheese. She still has issues with gagging a little which I think I may bring up at her next appointment. I had saved Ashley's old feeding schedule based on instructions from old pediatrician, and Ashley had no issues with cottage cheese or slightly chunky foods by this point. Emily was kind of choking again when I gave it to her..grr..

Our days have been full of fun...We've done TONS of parks/playgrounds, we've done a slip and slide/mini pool thing that we had bought that we keep at Andrew and Lauren's for now, we went peach picking, trips to bounce houses and trips to library and class, playing out in our makeshift sandbox, etc. We haven't had a lack of a yard and house stop us from living life.

Speaking of house, TOMORROW IS THE BIG DAY!!! YAY!!! We close on our house! I'm so excited. It seemed like it was never going to happen, between the first house falling through, then back to the drawing board with searching, then this house's close date being pushed back, etc. But it is here!!!
I am absolutely dreading the moving part, and unpacking all the boxes and organizing and setting up...but at the same time I am thrilled about having my things back, having my own home again, and I can't wait to make it "ours". The only frustrating thing for me is that I love decorating/home interior stuff. It's one of my hobbies/passions, BUT we are going to be very very house poor and very tight on money for a while, and I also have two young children who still need my love and attention. So unfortunately I can't jump in and make it "mine" right away like I'd like. We'll do a little here and there when we have the time and money. But we are at least doing the things I really wanted to start with--getting the bedrooms ready and "like home". We are having a painting party on Saturday and painting all the bedrooms, hanging new light fixtures/fans, and replacing the carpeting. Maybe even taking down some wallpaper. Then the rest we will do a little bit here and there. No rush. I'm going to just take it one box at a time...although I say that, but will prob try to get it as homey as possible with decorating until we can do other projects :)

Well I'm not sure when I'll be on next since we're going to have a busy week or two ahead, so I will talk to you soon from "home" next.