Living Update

So, we have reached a verdict (at least a very high probability)--we are moving next year.

This year we did the preventative measures to "get through" the long winters for me. We went to SC in November, and Miami in February. It helped, but it didn't. February is when it starts kicking in for me. I think because in Greenville, February is when the weather starts changing and getting nicer again. Mentally and physically, I am still in the mode of readiness for change. But here, February tends to be the worst month of cold and snowstorms, and then you have at least 2 more months until it starts getting (what I consider to be) nice. Even now, it's May 12th, and we are still wearing sweatshirts everyday because the "high" is low 60s. Boo.
Going to Miami and experiencing the warmth, the flowers, the palm trees just made me crave and desire it even more. There is this Disney movie called Moana. Moana lives on her island, and they are to stay put there and never leave. She is told to love this island, and to be happy where she is with what she has. But deep inside of her, she has this inner longing and voice for wanting more, wanting to venture out. That is how I feel. I try to make the most of thing, embrace the good where I am, but deep inside of me I long for somewhere else. When we were down there taking it all in, I kept hearing Moana music in the back of my head.
Also, seeing his grandfather made me see something. Mike lived in Philadelphia for years and years. He and Dena bought the place in Miami as a vacation place to do the snowbird thing, and he eventually moved down there year round. Unfortunately, since he raised his family up north, they got rooted there. They met their spouses there, they had children and raised there families there, and now here he is living in a place he loves without any of his family. Matt and I have said that if we did stay up north, we would want to move south as soon as the girls were done in high school. No way are we staying up north after that. And I got to thinking about how we'd probably be in the same boat as Mike....the girls will have their friends, their life here, they will be rooted here. I don't want to leave my kids behind and go live miles and miles away from them. If I had to pick someone to miss, it'd be parents and siblings over my own children. We live in a transient world. People don't always stay in the area they grew up near their families anymore...but I'd at least like to live someplace that I'd be happy staying in in order to possibly be rooted near my kids...then they can make the decision to stay or leave after that.
I also had a good talk with someone who tells it how it is without any fluff. She gave me a good dose of reality, and was like "so what are you going to do, live your life as a martyr forever? You're staying there for everyone else while you're miserable". And she's right.
For the last few years I have been living here out of fear and guilt. Both have been wearing off. We have been asking grandparents to consider going down south with us (at least for part of the year) to be in our lives. They have options and choices. I also worked through fear scenarios.
I returned from Florida and was straight up bummed for weeks. Not happy to be back here with the exception of my comfy bed. Lol.
Thankfully, I have been blessed to have met some nice friends. And after 4 years, I can finally count the amount of nice people (other than good friends) on 2 hands. It's progress. I'm not as angry and depressed as I had been...but still don't love it...still don't see it being a forever place...still has the issues and problems I've mentioned....I've just learned to tolerate it better (and I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing?)

So, I think we found "the place". We are looking at Wilmington/Hampstead NC. I'm not going to lie, I wasn't singing the Moana song there like I did in Florida. Lookwise and weather wise, I like parts of Florida more. However, we have more reservations about Florida. Florida seems much more volatile. The housing market is always up and then taking plunges, nicer areas get crime and riff raf when the housing market plunges. Our good friends Jim and Jen had lived in Orange Park, Florida. Now, based on looks alone, that would be my #1 choice of places to live. Picturesque looking neighborhoods, gorgeous homes that we could afford, a nice "community" feel to it. I'd move there in a heartbeat. However, with one of the housing crashes, a lot of homes went into foreclosure and sat empty. People were breaking in and living in these empty homes, which brought crime in. Jim was even followed home and held up at gunpoint. Florida is also very mixed, which isn't a bad thing since diversity can be nice, but not sure how if feel if English is the second language, eh....Also, in Jacksonville there are a lot of navy families which means lots of people in and out. We also aren't sure if it has the same "southern hospitality" like you have in the Carolinas. It's also just really far away. You'd basically have to fly up every time, and the closest person we know would be an hour and a half away.
Wilmington is still very nice. I was comparing it to Greenville since I loved it so much. To me, Greenville is still nicer looking but Wilmington is similar. Greenville really took off in the last 15 years, so everything is new and crisp and nice curb appeal. When we visited the downtown area, Ashley had said "it's so magical here". And it was/is. Wilmington also has a nice downtown area very similar to Greenville, just not as "fresh looking". When you move outside of the downtown, you have nice suburbs similar to Greenville, and then you move further out and you have an area that reminded me a lot of upstate NY--more rural, a mix of gorgeous nice neighborhoods and some lower income trailers mixed throughout (although not bad like it was in that part of Florida we visited).  But unlike Greenville, it also has 3 very nice beaches within very close proximity to you.
I also like Wilmington because it's great on paper. It's a 9/11 hour drive up north vs 11/14 hour if we needed to drive. It's an hour/hour and a half to Myrtle Beach which I love. My cousin Michelle also just bought a house there, so it's comforting knowing she's not too far away. My other cousin April and Matt's aunt Anita also have a vacation place in Myrtle, so we'd be able to see them. And Matt's friend Mike and his family live right in Wilmington, so we know someone in case of emergency. That to me is very comforting. Also, after visiting, it has all the "perks" that I loved about Greenville--the southern hospitality and friendliness, the mixture of true southerns mixed with people moving in from all over, the exact same weather, lower cost of living, similar feel, etc. Ideally, I'd love to take Greenville and plop it in Wilmington's location so I could have my friends and look, but oh well. The other great news is that it's an 4 hours and 15 minutes to Greenville. Not close-close, but close enough where we could take some weekend trips throughout the year and see our friends there more often than we do now. And it's only an hour extra than it took to Greenville for Jen and Jim's. So I really think it's great. And who knows, from what Matt's friends were telling us (they've lived there about 10 years now), the area is really booming and taking off, so in another few years it could potentially be as nice as Greenville or better. Also, I asked Matt's friends to "give it to me straight" and give me the list of pros and cons to the area. They said there haven't been any cons.
So, I think we're going to take the plunge and try it. Matt and I are both ready to go now, but we are going to give it a year. First, one good thing that has come out of living here is that our house has gone up quite a bit in value since we moved here. It's expected to keep going up, so we would like to give it another year so that it can keep going up in value, and we can use that money to pay off a good chunk of student loan and vehicle debts. Secondly, we plan to get on a very strict budget this year so that we can also pay off a good chunk of debt beforehand while Matt is making a higher salary. Third, it gives us one more year to really be sure (although honestly, we both are). Four, by next year Emily will be done with preschool, so when they both start at a new school, they can go in together which will be comforting for them. Fifth, it gets both sets of grandparents closer to retirement. Unfortunately, mom will still have one more year...but it's only a year. And she is a teacher which means she will have breaks and summers off. Lisa and Bruce are finally warming up to the idea of coming down with us, if at least part of the year. Instead of buying a beach house in Wildwood like they were thinking, they will probably buy a beach house in Wilmington.
Matt and I had recently talked about the movie The Butterfly Effect, and if there were things you could go back and change, what would you. I told him sometimes leaving Greenville is one, especially since I can't go back. I mean, we could, but I know Matt would be settling for me. And I want a place we are both happy. But sometimes I wonder what life would have been like if I never left.
But, coming here has had some major benefits. It has given me a lot of confirmation. First, I am and always will be so incredibly thankful for the time we have had with grandparents, Aunts and Uncles, and cousins while the girls were so little. I'm glad that they have had the fun times together. However, even being here it's changing. Now that Ashley is in real school, I can't go up to visit NY for more than just the weekends. Cheryl works weekends now, and her "good times" are weekdays, which is impossible for me to come up, and she has a difficult time coming here without mom (who also can't come unless it's weekends). Also, as they are getting older, they have birthday parties, activities that they're in. We are busy. We see both sides/Aunts/uncles/cousins once every 3 months or so, and I have a feeling it'd become even less as they got older. It's not like we are with them all the time.  I can't make it to my nieces preschool graduation, because it's a weekday when my kids have school and vice versa. We aren't "in each others lives" the way I had hoped.
When we lived far away, we'd see extended family once a year. Now it's twice, MAYBE 3 times due to the reasons I listed above. And even though they're closer, they're still just a little too far away to be convenient to see.
With old friends, I LOVE LOVE LOVE all the great times we had in college, but I've changed. I often feel like I'm expected to fit back into a mold that I don't fit in anymore. That I have no desire to fit in anymore.
I've seen the differences in lifestyle, people, etc. from south to (North Jersey). I know it's not what I want. I see how HARD life is here. Life was never ever this hard down south. Matt has worked like a dog since we got here, even with me working extra to help compensate. And yes, we have gone on trips and do activities sometimes that cost money, but most have been trips to try to deal with horrible weather, and we do need to live a little sometimes, especially to balance out the stressors that come with being here. It's been hard.
But I have had great family time. And I've made some nice friends. And I've helped others, both with friendships and with my job, doing what I feel God uses me to do. But I'm ready for the next chapter. I think coming back here has confirmed to me that we aren't "missing out" on as much as we were worried we were. Being here has just further clarified what I know about myself, and want/need/expect out of life.
I want a nice life with good kind people for my kids to be exposed to, where life isn't so cold (both literally and figuratively), or so hard. I want Matt and I to be happy, so we can be the best mom and dad we can be. I want my husband to be able to work less so he can actually see his kids. And I want warm weather!!!!! A beach sounds pretty awesome too!!!! ;)