A New Chapter

Sooo....Matt and I have been contemplating a new chapter in our lives. After much prayer, discussion until our faces turned blue, and weighing all options, we have decided to move back up north to New Jersey in order to be closer to our families, and also so Matt can (hopefully) find better job opportunities that he can't find here. It has been one of the hardest decisions we've had to make.
It is definitely hard making such big choices when you have children because the decision you make not only affects us, but them as well. There will be ripple effects and consequences (both good and bad)  to our decision either way.

It is also difficult because I have never felt so conflicted about a move before...
In one way, it will be a great move for the family piece. We both love our families and are excited to be closer. Also, whenever we make a trip up it's always a long, tiresome trip with lots of running around and rushing. It would be nice to be able to see family more often and not have to "cram everything/everyone in"when we go up. There is also comfort in knowing you have family close by.

Ideally we'd like to live smack dab in the middle of both families in order to be fair, and in order to see our families equally (which is our goal). However unfortunately there is no happy medium or good place that is directly in the middle of both our families. The direct middle is in the middle of nowhere in some dumpy town off the interstate. So the options are New York closer to my family, or New Jersey closer to Matt's. So we both opted for New Jersey for a few reasons. 1. It's less cold (which sadly is a big factor for me. I HATE the cold and am dreading the move in that regard as it is). 2. NJ is a little bigger and has more to offer--close to NYC, more to do/more civilization, etc. 3. We both have friends in the state (although we have our separate friends from college and h.s...our goal would also be to make new friends together so we're not doing our own separate things all the time).

Matt and I both prefer South Jersey for several reasons--it's slower paced/more suburban, more affordable, warmer, closer to the ocean, people tend to be a little friendlier/less of that city mentality, and it's also where Matt and I met, got engaged. But...it's still a couple hours from his family, and 5 from mine. It would be pointless for me to move, because 5 hours is still a hike (especially with kids) and I'd probably still see my family the same amount that I do now. So I told Matt that if we're going to do this, we should do it right and move to North Jersey so we can be close to both families.

It's just tough because I personally like North Jersey the least. I am not trying to be offensive to any readers out there, but a lot just seems like old, majorly overpriced, dumpy homes/neighborhoods. They say ignorance is bliss. I don't always agree, but in this case it is true. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't know what I was missing...but after living here it will be VERY hard to be there because I DO know what I'll be missing. We live in a gorgeous neighborhood in a gorgeous area and in a nice and affordable home. Greenville really just developed in the last 15 years or so, so everything is brand new and clean which is much more my speed. Here in my home, I almost feel like I'm in a bubble where all the world just feels right and safe.

I know there is more to life than a nice neighborhood and warm weather, but it really makes a difference for me. I know some people don't get this, but I am the type of person who is affected by my surroundings. I absorb energies to some extent. Part of it is my training in my field--learning to pick up on vibes, verbal and non verbal cues, body language, posture, tones, etc. And part of it is just my nature. So for instance, if I am around people who are negative, or argumentative, or anxious, I obviously notice it, and if I'm not careful I tend to pick up on those moods myself. Same with my surroundings--there is truth to that seasonal depression stuff. If I am surrounded by dark, cold, dreary, old, it affects me negatively vs. sunshine, flowers, new, fresh, etc.

The other good and bad part is that north Jersey is close to NYC. In one way it will be awesome to live that close to NYC...it would be fun to go to for dates sometimes, there's always a ton there and lots of culture. But on the flip side to that, the city mentality tends to be "harder"/rougher/sometimes ruder  personalities, people are more in a rush, etc. I worry that we'll be surrounded by more of that personality type, and I don't know if that's what I want my children to be raised with.
Although on the flip side to that, Matt made a good point that they could be negatively influenced here too... Overall people are friendly, kind, have good values, and are slower paced.There is truth to that southern hospitality. I love it. We have also surrounded ourself with that in the friendships we've developed. However, there are still some people that have that old southern mentality who can be more racist. I don't want to raise our children with that either...
Lol...It's so hard...

It is also so hard because I will be walking away from so much....Matt has had a hard time finding a good job here. Because Greenville is still newer and developing, it's smaller scale compared to NJ and is limited in job types. A lot of Physical Therapy jobs are more corporate, pushing numbers and focused on $ signs more than patient care. He has tried a few jobs, and interviewed with several more and hasn't been happy. I on the other hand, found a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity down here. Working at Riley Therapy, I have such an incredible boss/friend. Beth is so supportive and understanding of me. For instance, she really cares about my well being.  Due to the life or death intensity of working with eating disorders, you really need to find balance and take care of yourself. She strongly encourages self care, and would encourage me to take an extra (necessary) day off, she would encourage me to nap between clients when I was pregnant, etc. She also totally supports and understands my decision to be a mom first, job next. She has given me the freedom to work very part time, while still offering me work when I am ready to return more (with no pressure to rush back). That is hard to find.
We are also expanding our practice, and turning it into a more intensive program with lots of growth and opportunities. I started running this group at work now that I've returned, and I absolutely love it. She has also offered me a higher position and pay if/when I returned to more days.
Then there's the whole saving lives thing, which speaks volumes. I don't mean to sound cocky, but I know my stuff, I am good at what I do, and have a real gift with working with these patients. I recently had an old patient's caregiver call me to update me. My client was doing fantastic, and the caregiver was saying that if I ever question if I am doing the right line of work, don't. That my client had taken the tools and knowledge they learned while working with me, and is applying it day to day and doing fantastic. She was so grateful for the part I played in their recovery and lives.
Very hard to walk away from....

It's also hard because out of all the places I've lived, this is the place I feel most connected to. This is where Matt and I have had most of our married years. It is also the place where we've had our best years together, where our relationship has grown and blossomed the most. Up north we had separate friends and in some ways it felt like separate lives, whereas here almost all of our friends are mutual friends.

This home and this place also connects me to my children. This is where I carried my babies in me. This is where my children were born. This is the house that I brought my babies home from the hospital, where I rock(ed) them to sleep at night, where we've had incredible memories as a family. Our lake is where Matt and I have had wonderful talks and conversations around, and where he posted romantic signs around for me one year. It is where Ashley and I would stop almost every time to feed the ducks and "say hello". Whether we moved up north or right down the street, I will be heartbroken the day I have to leave this house behind. I wish I could just pack it up and move it with us.
We also have made such incredible friends down here who have been like family to us. People who are loving, kind, supportive, and who build us up and encourage us to be better people. I will be so incredibly sad leaving them behind, especially since we'll be moving so far away and won't be able to see them as often as I'd like.
It is also a place where we've gotten connected in the community with good churches, with alanon, with activities, etc.

I am so heartbroken to leave here, and even kind of angry that there isn't some better solution or alternative. But...the reality is there is no happy medium (trust me, Matt and I have exhausted ourselves trying to figure out what it could be).
Reality has sunk in....Ashley is now 2 and we need to pay for her flights now. In a couple years we'll be paying for Emily's as well. We really can't keep dropping at least a grand every time we want to go up and visit our family and friends, and driving 12-15 hours with young children is very hard and unfair to put them through that. It's also very expensive for our families to come here. They don't have the means or funds to do it too often either. And bottom line is, as much as we love it here, we love our families more and want them involved in our lives on a regular basis. We want our kids to know their grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins. We don't want to keep missing out on important moments in their lives, or be too far away to be there in times of emergency, etc.

Also Matt's jumped from different jobs that he hasn't liked in order to provide for our family, get us good benefits, etc. He's made lots of sacrifices to support my dream to be a stay at home mom (for the most part). I so appreciate it, but he shouldn't have to do ALL the sacrificing, and he shouldn't be stuck at a job he dreads so I can live my dream. Marriage is about give and take, and I feel it's my turn to make some sacrifices for him and our girls.

If it was just me, I would live down here forever. It's always been my dream to live down south, and I have loved every minute of it just as I knew I would. But it's not just me, it's also Matt and our two girls. Being a wife and mom was always an even bigger dream, and I wouldn't trade them for anything, including this. I want to do what is best for our marriage, for our children, and our families. And who knows, maybe someday we can retire down south or something??

So...we are moving on to a new chapter. As sad as I am to leave, I am also kind of excited about a new chapter and new beginning. And I have to keep in mind that God loves me and wants the best for me. I have to trust in his plan. If I ever forget or doubt that, I am reminded by Emily. My timeline and plan was a little different than God's, but I thank God everyday for going with his because he blessed me with my incredible baby girl who I wouldn't trade for anything in this world. Had I gone with my timing, I would have missed out on her and I couldn't imagine life without her.

God has a plan for this too....

On to the next step of our journey....
I will miss you Greenville, SC, and all of our wonderful connections that we have made here....

Here are some pictures (some older, and some more recent) of our very 1st home.