Holiday Season

The holiday season is quickly approaching...crazy! Our Christmas tree is pretty cool. Almost every year, we get an ornament to signify something going on in our lives...i.e...our engagement, 1st year married, 1st house, etc. This year is no different. I shopped around and found an ornament to honor the baby we lost. Our little angel will still be with us in spirit this year for Christmas. It was so beautiful that I wanted to share.

Tribute to the Baby We Lost

I found this pregnancy loss site, and they had one link that had different poems and songs to provide words of encouragement. Some were so beautiful that I wanted to share and make a tribute to our baby that we lost.

1. Glory baby you slipped away as fast as we could say baby…baby..

You were growing, what happened dear?

You disappeared on us baby…baby..
Heaven will hold you before we do
Heaven will keep you safe until we’re home with you…
Until we’re home with you…

Miss you everyday
Miss you in every way
But we know there’s a
day when we will hold you
We will hold you
You’ll kiss our tears away
When we’re home to stay
Can’t wait for the day when we will see you
We will see you
But baby let sweet Jesus hold you
‘till mom and dad can hold you…
You’ll just have heaven before we do
You’ll just have heaven before we do

Sweet little baby, it’s hard to
understand it ‘cause we’re hurting
We are hurting
But there is healing
And we know we’re stronger people through the growing
And in knowing-
That all things work together for our good
And God works His purposes just like He said He would…
Just like He said He would…

BRIDGE:
I can’t imagine heaven’s lullabies
and what they must sound like
But I will rest in knowing, heaven is your home
And it’s all you’ll ever know…all you’ll ever know…

______________________________________

2.What Makes a Mother? - Author Unknown

I thought of you and closed my eyes and prayed to God today.

I asked, 'What makes a Mother?' and I know I heard Him say,

A mother has a baby, this we know is true,

But God, can you be a mother when your baby's not with you?

Yes you can, He replied, with confidence in His voice

I give many women babies, when they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime, others for a day

And some I send to feel your womb, but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this Lord, I want my baby here!

He took a breath and cleared His throat and then I saw a tear,

I wish the I could show you what your child is doing today,

If you could see your child smile with the other children and say.

'We go to earth to learn our lessons of love and life and fear,

My mommy loved me oh so much I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a mom who had so much love for me,

I learned my lessons very quickly, my mommy set me free.

I miss my mommy oh so much, but I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep, on her pillow's where I lay,

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek and whisper in her ear,

Mommy don't be sad today, I'm your baby and I'm here'.

So you see, my dear sweet one, your child is ok,

Your baby is here in my home, and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with me, until your lesson's through,

And on the day I call you home they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you know what makes a mother.

It's the feeling in your heart,

Its the love you had so much of, right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize until their time is done,

Remember all the love you have,

And you ARE a special mom!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-p3e8_XKoRo&feature=related

______________________________________

3. God gave me an angel to carry and love,

If only for a moment's time;

I loved, nurtured and cared for its soul,

But it wasn't in His design.

My angel wasn't ready to join this earth,

To be born into the world's ways;

So our baby was taken to heaven to wait some more,

And now I must pass the days.

It's often hard to look past my pain,

And see the greater scheme;

When all I want to do is hold,

That child of my broken heart's dream.

I know someday when the time is right,

I'll be given my angel again;

Our baby will be so healthy and full of life,

With fingers and toes of ten.

Our baby will have vibrant eyes and cheeks of rose,

And a cry of heaven's sweet song;

I'll cherish each moment I have with our little one,

No matter how brief or how long.

I'll thank the Lord for blessing my life,

And I'll savor the gift He's sent;

For I know each child is truly His own,

And my angel is one that He's lent.

___________________________________

4.Today I saw you crying

I sent you lots of love

I hope that you can feel it

I'm here just up above

Today I jumped from cloud to cloud

And flew across the sky

And God told me all about you

And why you sometimes cry

He told me that you were special

And your love for me is so deep

He told me that one day I'll meet you here

And in your arms I'll leap

I met a nice man the other day

He sat me on his knee

He told me that he knew you, Mom

And do you know what else he told me?

He told me all about you

About your pretty face

About your kindness, love and joy

About your sweet grace

I told that man I knew you

Cause we were once so close

I grew in your belly, Mommy

Just beneath your clothes

I told that man you talked to me

And prayed for me each night

And how I felt your love right there

And how you would hug me tight

No, you're not a stranger, Mom

Although we're now apart

It's really not that far, Mommy

I know I'm in your heart

I can't wait to see you, Mommy

God says you'll be here soon

Until then, I'm with you

And I love you to the moon

______________________________________

5. “An Ugly Pair of Shoes”

I am wearing a pair of shoes.

They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable Shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in the world.

Some women ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don’t hurt quite as much.

Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by

before they think of how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.

Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger woman.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqfGqOx2iDQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RrFO-L8Rpas&feature=fvw

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QuiOdXC9aB4&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lJ3IdsXf5ME

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Ne3cz9eUsQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FobeElssLCs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0VDNMtn0t2A

Update

Well, sad news. The past few weeks I have been having some complications with bleeding, although I did not miscarry. This baby certainly is a fighter. I don't think the name Ashley or Jacob was suitable, I think it should have something that means "strong one".

I thought maybe I had miscarried over the weekend, so they asked me to come in today anyway for an ultrasound to check on things. It turns out that I had an ectopic pregnancy, which means that the fertilized egg was growing outside of the uterus. Unfortunately, in a situation like that, the baby cannot grow properly and needs to be treated with medication and/or surgery.

It has been a difficult month, we've been on a rollercoaster with different emotions. We were very sad to find this out, but at the same time we have faith that this all happened for a reason and are at peace with things. We are also very thankful that we caught this early, because if it had gotten bad and ruptured, it would have greatly affected our chances of having kids in the future.

Also, during this ultrasound procedure they also discovered that I have a dermoid cyst on my right ovary that is somewhat large. This type of cyst does not go away on its own, and so it will most likely have to be taken care of (same that my sister had). I need to wait a couple of months for everything to clear up with the ectopic pregnancy, then will probably need to have surgery done to take care of cyst. The doctor seemed hopeful that it won't affect us having children in the future, we just need to put things on hold for a few months. Hopefully I'll have more positive updates in the future.

We're having a baby!!!

On Thursday, October 1, 2009 our lives forever changed! Matt and I found out that we are having a baby!!!

Matt and I had been "kind of" trying for a couple of months, but leaving it in Gods will. Even still,

I was shocked. Last month I had to have a minor medical procedure done, so figured nothing would happen until at least October. Plus, I really wasn't feeling any pregnancy symptoms, so when Matt suggested I might be pregnant, I kind of laughed it off thinking it couldn't be possible.

I took the first test, and it came back positive. In fact, the plus sign showed up immediately. Since the pack came with two tests, I took the second one a little while later just to be sure. Again, positive.

My initial reaction was shock. I was seeing the plus sign, but didn't believe my eyes. But aside from shocked, I was all the "typical" emotions--I was so thrilled, excited, nervous and in awe all at once. Everyone who knows me knows how much I love babies and children, and my biggest dream in life was to be a mother.

How I told Matt--Well, for all of you who know Matt, you know how he can never wait for surprises. He needs to know what it is NOW. Lol. Well, with the baby it was no different. I had planned to tell him when he got home from work (so he could focus while he's there), and get him a card that says something like "congrats, you're going to be a daddy" and then surprise him with my pregnancy test...but that didn't happen. He actually texted me out of the blue saying " you preggo?" I tried blowing it off so I wouldn't give it away, so then he responded with something like "well if you're making me wait until lunch, then that must be a yes". So since I'm not good at lying or keeping secrets, I figured I'd tell him. So I called him and told him the good news. He said he was happier than he's ever been in life. We were both so thrilled.

Since it was a workday, we both had work. But it just so happened that I didn't have a client until 2, and Matt until 1, so we decided to meet up for lunch to be together to celebrate the good news. We went out to eat at a yummy Thai place and talked about our new baby!

I will use this bog to update with pregnant pics and info so feel free to check back from time to time!

Florida Vacation-Sept 2009

Here are some pics from our trip to Destin Florida. We went the week of Labor Day. It was perfect. The temperatures were in the mid-80s, mostly sunny. The beach had white, soft sand and clear water. It is almost like being on an island.

We had a very relaxing time. We laid out on the beach everyday, read some good books, went snorkeling and dolphin watching, out to eat at some delicious restaurants, went shopping at the outlet mall, golfing, massage, etc. I also got a chance to meet my uncle and his wife which was really great. Just writing about it makes me want to go back already!

Trip up North

After the wedding I drove to visit Aunt Sharon, Uncle Jimmy, Nicole, Kimberly, Michelle and Matthew. We were up late talking and visiting, and the next day I got a chance to visit Nicole's church that she really likes. It was fun, esp since I had not seen some of them since we moved a couple years ago...

After that, I drove to NJ and visited with Bruce, Lisa, Andrew, Lauren, (and of course Matt). We grilled out and visited for a short time before we had to head to the airport. Airport was a pain--delayed for 4 hours, then cancelled flight...but the trip was still well worth it, and they made up for it by giving us first class flights which was pretty cool. That's all for now


After getting stuck in traffic for forever, I finally made it to the wedding. It was great seeing Randy and Diane take their vows, and the reception was a lot of fun too, catching up with friends and dancing!





The next day I got to visit with Marci and her little guy, Trent. We had such a great time. We hung out and talked, caught up on life, swapped decorating ideas (she and I always love to do that since we have similar taste), and played with Trent. He is such a sweet boy, kept giving me hugs!
Next I visited Liz's, and saw her, Bob, their new baby Malayna, and Michelle. It was so great to see them. We just hung out and talked and caught up on each other's lives, and played with little Miss Malayna. At the rate she's going, she'll be walking soon!

Took a trip up North to visit with friends and family, and to go to a friends wedding. Matt came up too, but we did separate trips. He visited friends, and got to see his friend play against the yankees.

First stop on my list was visiting my friends Scott and Kristina. This was the first time seeing them since they got engaged! We visited Princeton area, walked around, saw the campus, had some good pizza, found a baragain cd/dvd shop, and talked and caught up.

It's Been A While...

Wow, time goes so fast I forget to blog. I didn't realize how long it's been...I'll date back with as much as I remember...

In June we took a brief trip up to NY, NJ, and PA. We visited with my grandfather in his assisted living home. It seems to really be working out for him. He likes it there--the staff, the structure, bingo (which we played with him and he won 4 times!!!), etc. He was looking good and coherent so we had a nice visit.

I saw my sister and her boyfriend. Quick visit but nice. Went up to Lake George, out to eat and walked and talked. It was a fun time. Got to visit my friend Jodi and see her new place and catch up a little. Then it was off the next day to visit with Matt's family. Saw his grandparents. It was really great to see them. From there we went to a baseball game with his parents, and then visited with aunts, uncles, cousins. Also saw his brother and wife the next day. So we crammed a lot in in a short time!!!

Also in June I got a chance to go visit Jen, Jim and Lily at their new house in Florida. It was a really fun time. After being friends for a while, I felt I had gotten to know a lot about family and friends, and I had an opportunity to meet a few of them on the trip which was nice. We also had a great time sitting around talking out on their lanai, trip to the beach, sightseeing, out to eat, etc. Just a great time. Although sad to see how far away it is! I miss being able to make the 5 minute trips on almost a weekly basis...But I'm happy they're so happy and I must admit it's beautiful there!

July Matt and I celebrated our three year wedding anniversary. Hard to believe its 3 years already. Went fast. We both said how we're even happier and more in love now than we were the day we got married. I hope we can continue to say that we keep loving each other more and more over the years....We went to hilton head for the weekend. Matt, Christi and Eli were also there spending the week with Matt's family. So we hung out a little on our own, and hung out with them a lot of the time. We had a great time as well. Relaxed at the pool and beach (got the opportunity to witness Eli's firsts--first time in the pool and ocean), good time catching up, played some games. Then Matt and I went on a dinner cruise on the 4th of July which was a lot of fun. Great time!

This past weekend was nice too. We hung out with Jamie and Laura--they found out they are having a girl! We had a nice dinner and caught up on things. Then we went downtown with them. Jamie went to school to become a pastor. Well, he and a friend came up with this idea to bring some burgers, snacks, and drinks to the homeless people in the area. We went with them. I really enjoyed it. It was a very humbling experience for me. Here we are, watching people come out of restaurants galore of their choice, while we're sitting there talking to people who hadn't eaten anything for two days. And here we were, leaving to go back to the comforts of home afterward, when they didn't have any place to go. The thing that amazed me the most was their strong faith. I'd like to think and say that I'd continue to have my strong faith in a situation like that, but I can also imagine thinking "God, what about me?? Have you forgotten or forsaken me?" Seeing and hearing them was so cool. I loved it. Matt and I are talking about wanting to do some type of volunteer work--soup kitchen to feed homeless, or meals on wheels, etc. I think it would be good. It's a good way to get out of our self-absorbed mindset for a little bit and focus on someone else.

The next day we went hiking/walking to a waterfall called Triple Falls. Apparently the Last of the Mohigans was filmed there. It was really pretty. Was a fun time with friends too.

In between our busy weekends we've been working. I sure do miss the lifestyle that came with being a kid and having summer vacations. Man, sometimes I wish I had become a teacher! Haha. Well, that's about it for now. I will try to update more frequently.

We had such a fun weekend, I had to write about it. Friday night we were invited to spend the night with our friends at a cabin out in the country. The next morning, Laura and I went shopping while Matt and Jamie went hunting for turkey. It was Matt's first time. Although he didn't get anything, he had a fun time with the thrill of the "hunt".
Later that evening we got together with Jen, Jim, and Lily. We went out to eat at Soby's. They have been telling us for forever how good it was there, so we finally made the trip with them. They were right, it was really good. It was so much fun just spending time with them. We always enjoy their company, and Lily is always fun and entertaining. I was impressed with how good she was out. After dinner we took a small walk downtown, and got to see a fire juggling performance. It was a great time.
That night we went back up to the cabin with Laura and Jamie. We played some games, watched a movie, and had fun hanging out.
The next day we grilled out for lunch. Then headed back to Greenville. We got together with Matt, Christi and Eli. We checked out a house (in progress) with them, then went out to eat, then back to their place to watch a movie. It was a really fun.
This weekend just made me feel so blessed to have met such wonderful friends. We're very lucky.
So, good weekend. Very relaxing, yet busy all in one.

New Update

I figured I'd update for all my viewers out there...Haha! I'm trying to remember what has gone on in the past month and a half. Sometimes time flies so much it feels like one big blur.
One highlight of Feb was that Christi and Matt had their baby boy, Eli! He's such a cutie. Also, we made a trip up north for Matt's cousin's wedding. The wedding was beautiful, and it was nice catching up with family members. But it was COLD up there! Lol. I have quickly adapted to the nicer climate down here...
Valentines Day was nice. We went out to a nice restaurant and then rented a couple of movies.
This month has been pretty busy. Matt has been coaching lacrosse, and that keeps him very busy with daily practices, and 2-3 games a week. Plus he had a presentation that he was preparing for for sometime. Despite some complaining about never seeing him anymore, I am happy that he's doing something he enjoys. I just wish his list of hobbies would slow down a little. Lol.
I have been busy with work, and meetings, and getting a little more into my own hobbies and working on self growth. I also always enjoy spending time with friends. On a sad but happy note, one of my closest friends will be moving from here. In one way I am so sad to see her go, but in another I am so happy for them since this is an exciting time for them. I am sad she won't be just minutes away, but I am blessed to have met her and to have had the time we've had together. And I know we'll stay in touch and see each other.
Speaking of long-distance, my friend Liz in NJ just had her baby! It just amazes me how fast time seems to fly...Anyway, that is all I can think of at the moment...I'll try to update more often.

January

Well 2009 is off to a good start. For New Years, Matt's brother, Andrew, and his wife, Lauren, were here visiting on their way back from vacation in Florida. They helped ring in the new year with us, along with some of our great friends that we've made down here!
My sister, Kristyn, and Brian came down for a short, but great visit. It was the first time any of my immediate family has been to the house (at least since we officially moved into it), so I was excited to have her come, and to visit with them. We turned a short visit into a mini vacation. Lol.
In December I had had an abnormal test results that showed pre-cancerous cells , but luckily the results came back benign. I just have to keep an eye on things, but everything should be fine.
I took a weekend trip to visit my friend Kim in Wilmington, NC. It's really nice there, and we had a great time catching up on things.
We made a quick visit down to Florida to visit with Matt's grandparents. We had a great visit with them, and I also managed to finish a book that I had been working on for a while.
Matt was baptized! I was so proud to watch that. It's been amazing to see how he went from having no faith to where he is today, and to watch the transformation that it's done to him and to our marriage.
This past weekend was my friend Christi's baby shower. Her baby Eli will be here soon, and we're all excited to meet him.
That's basically the month of January all wrapped up for you....Looking back on it, I didn't realize it was so busy!! Other than that I have just been working, and during my free time loving my time with Matt and some of our wonderful friends =).

Starting a blog

So, we don't have any children to post pics and updates of yet, but I thought this would be a nice way to keep people up to date with the latest going on in our lives. Feel free to check back from time to time!